I looked her in the eyes and answered, "I am vulnerable."
(After talking for very very very long... and she asked me whether she could give me a hug.) "You have a very strong personality." she said.
That was a year ago. I was crying my heart out when I was talking to her. She looked at me and said, "Why do I see a bubbly girl crying?"
(Sideline a little, I was in full makeup when I met her. Eyeliner and mascara. And I cried for almost an hour. Maybe less. The huge bin was probably half filled with tissue papers. And with all that crying and an oily eye lid, my makeup was only slightly smudged. And I still went for family dinner after that. Darn power the makeup!!! Bimbotic me. It's really good for wedding, graduation and perhaps swimming.)
Maybelline
VOLUM' EXPRESS THE FALSIES MASCARA
EYESTUDIO HYPERSHARP LINER
She thought that I felt very 委屈 in life and in my previous job. Actually, nope. It was more like I am a highly sensitive and emotional person, that I kept MANY MANY MANY MANY things to myself and I do not know how to let go. Life is full of ups and downs. And my life is just so down and so hard. Self-pity and acting victim? I am afraid of change, afraid of failure, afraid of all the uncertainties or simply just timid. Moving out of my comfort zone is an extremely hard thing to do.
I should just sing "Let it go, let it go
I am one with the wind and sky
Let it go, let it go
You'll never see me cry!
Here I stand
And here I'll stay
Let the storm rage on!"
Back to reality... The real truth is that I looked at myself now, extremely scared and extremely fearful. How to keep striving and keep moving on? Where is the strength within myself? Where? Where? Where?
Even I have my weakest moments in life. I feel paralysed. Fear consumed me. All the negative vibes and an extremely depressed me. How do I get past my own fears, face my own demons, get out of all the overwhelming situations and be on a quest to playing a bigger game in my life? HOW? How do I keep striving on, never give up and just keep pushing forward?
I have lost myself. I have felt exhausted. I have given up on myself at that very moment. I have felt like a complete failure. I actually did nothing, cos I was so depressed, low and out. But I did not feel good at all. Tears and all thing negative. At the lowest point in my life. At the crossroads. Where to go?
Where is the strength within myself? Where is the fighter in me? Where is the never-say-die me? Where is the resilient me? WHERE?
Being extremely low, I actually did the next best thing. A very bimbotic thing. I really do not feel like doing anything at all. Nothing at all. Then I slowly tried to get some grooming done to myself. Dress up nicely... (Luckily, I was still vain.) Pretty clothes become my fight gear. Then I started painting ICI dulux paint on my face... All the lovely skincare and cosmetics. Actually, I was feeling lousy inside. But I really have to thank my kindest friends or even the kindest strangers for complimenting me. Looks aren't everything. I know that I appear superficial, not intellectual, quiet, dull and uninteresting. However, I will definitely aim to be more well read, more well traveled and hopefully become an interesting conversationalist. Right now, I knew that I needed to get back to doing things that I used to enjoy. Finding back myself. And... Faking (confidence) it till I get it. How to believe in myself that I can actually make it? HOW? All my insecurities and shortcomings.
Nobody knows what you are going through or what you have been through. Struggles in life...
有些心事只能自言自语，有些秘密只能讲给朋友。有些痛苦只能默默承受，自己还是要靠自己拯救。------ 真正的痛苦，没有人能与你分担，你只能把它从一个肩头，换到你的另一个肩头。
感谢伤害你的人，因为他磨炼了你的心志！感谢绊倒你的人，因为他强化了你的双腿！感谢欺骗你的人，因为他增进了你的智慧！感谢藐视你的人，因为他觉醒了你的自尊！感谢遗弃你的人，因为他教会了你该独立！
How about strength defined by a Tarot card?
Strength's Meaning
Energy · Facing problems · Strengh · Vitality · Willpower
Strength is the rawest form of power, and you possess it in some form. It is a very happy card if you are fighting illness or recovering from injury. As might be suspected, its influence over you, and the use you put it to, can trend towards light or dark. You likely trend towards facing your problems courageously, head-on, and conquering them through perseverance and will. With this ability to overcome life's obstacles, though, comes the responsibility to control yourself, and it this card may be a warning to take command of your own actions or emotions before they damage you or the people you care about.
Or how about this explanation?
The Maiden represents higher feelings and that we can experience if we bring our wild passions to heel. And so we willingly do so.
This card, however, isn't just about the Maiden's power. Like its ruling sign Leo, this card is also about the hot, roaring energy and enthusiasm of the Lion including passions like "lust" (which is the name it was given by Crowley in his Thoth deck). The lion's power may be frightening, but it is also desirable. Much can be achieved if such power is put to use. Some decks, in fact, label this card as "Power."
That energies can be brought under control and used is very close to the message of the Chariot, which might be why, in some decks, it is Justice that is card #8 instead of Strength. There is a difference, however, between Strength and the Chariot. The Chariot is a card about using your impulses to achieve a victory.
Strength is about combining two strengths to overcome weakness. The Maiden is weak of form, but her mastery of herself is powerful. The Lion is strong of form, but weak when it comes to mastering himself. The Maiden's commands overcome the Lion's weakness, and his form overcomes the Maiden's weakness. This is why the Maiden doesn't try to harness the lion to a chariot, nor does she run from it or try to kill it. She meets its eyes, touches it, embraces it. This is a card about understanding our wild natures, accepting them, yet also gentling those passions so that they work for us rather than against us. Putting these two strengths together creates perseverance, personal honor, and courage.
The card can also stand for a steadfast friend.
Strength is the rawest form of power, and you possess it in some form. It is a very happy card if you are fighting illness or recovering from injury. As might be suspected, its influence over you, and the use you put it to, can trend towards light or dark. You likely trend towards facing your problems courageously, head-on, and conquering them through perseverance and will. With this ability to overcome life's obstacles, though, comes the responsibility to control yourself, and it this card may be a warning to take command of your own actions or emotions before they damage you or the people you care about.
Or how about this explanation?
The Maiden represents higher feelings and that we can experience if we bring our wild passions to heel. And so we willingly do so.
This card, however, isn't just about the Maiden's power. Like its ruling sign Leo, this card is also about the hot, roaring energy and enthusiasm of the Lion including passions like "lust" (which is the name it was given by Crowley in his Thoth deck). The lion's power may be frightening, but it is also desirable. Much can be achieved if such power is put to use. Some decks, in fact, label this card as "Power."
That energies can be brought under control and used is very close to the message of the Chariot, which might be why, in some decks, it is Justice that is card #8 instead of Strength. There is a difference, however, between Strength and the Chariot. The Chariot is a card about using your impulses to achieve a victory.
Strength is about combining two strengths to overcome weakness. The Maiden is weak of form, but her mastery of herself is powerful. The Lion is strong of form, but weak when it comes to mastering himself. The Maiden's commands overcome the Lion's weakness, and his form overcomes the Maiden's weakness. This is why the Maiden doesn't try to harness the lion to a chariot, nor does she run from it or try to kill it. She meets its eyes, touches it, embraces it. This is a card about understanding our wild natures, accepting them, yet also gentling those passions so that they work for us rather than against us. Putting these two strengths together creates perseverance, personal honor, and courage.
The card can also stand for a steadfast friend.
Links:
http://www.duanwenxue.com/article/2529.html
http://www.duanwenxue.com/article/19566.html
http://www.trustedtarot.com/cards/strength/
http://www.aeclectic.net/tarot/learn/meanings/strength.shtml
http://dental.baike.com/article-44070.html
http://www.maybelline.com.sg/index.aspx
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/idinamenzel/letitgo.html
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