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Sunday, September 14, 2014

Change yourself. Change your life.


Seriously, I need a new job, new saving plans, a new direction in life, new passion in life, new hobby, new fitness regime, new diet, new study methods, better time management... basically a new life and a NEW ME!!!


Yes, I do not deny that I have failed so many times or that period where I have given up on myself. I have been very unhappy. I have decided to try to put down my past, start anew and move on...

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Today, I did something different. I actually JOGGED. Unbelievable!!!

Gz and I jogged from Bishan to Braddell. That overhead bridge outside Guangyang Secondary School that led us to Braddell. I was dying and jogging darn slow. Gz kept encouraging me. Hated jogging/ running. But today, I did jog a little. My legs were aching slightly. My right leg was so weak but jogging and squats made me feel better.

We went to Redman to get jelly mix and jelly mould to make dessert. Also tried Collin's Grille (western & japanese food) for dinner.

Then walked home after dinner. We also played at the playground like two overgrown children, walked on the reflexology paths and did silly stuffs at the fitness corner.

Oh goshhhy... I am really out of shape. So fat, chubby and round. No energy, lacking in stamina and tired. Need an exercise regime to lose fats and tone up. Oh goshhhy... Reality hits hard and all my fat rolls are showing. What an awful sight!!! =((

Anyway, here's the jelly that I have made. Brown sugar longan jelly with dried longan and nata de coco (should have put more).



Friday, September 12, 2014

Chronically late me

Well... This is old news. I'm a horrible Queen of Lateness. Cos I procrastinated to the maximum and I do take a super long time when preparing to go out. And I tried to do many things in that time frame. My estimation of time is lousy... really cmi. Omg... And I got slight OCD and that perfectionist streak in me (Usually, I'm laid-back. But when I do something, it must be the best that I can do. And I often reproach myself for not doing my best which is crazy. I should just let it go.) Most of the times, I will take forever, cos I need to remember to bring everything out or get everything right.

How to overcome this? And and and... My time management sucks big time and I'm the most ill-disciplined, laziest and most jialat person around. Lotsa weakness in me.

Early is on time. On time is late. And late is unacceptable.


I really need to kick this irritating bad habit. It is really really so so so hard. Actually, I asked her but she did not think that my case is very bad. Just keep on trying. Keep on encouraging myself. And keep doing it till I am at least on time. 

Lately, I really do not feel like doing anything. Super low energy!!! And no mood or energy to even prepare to go out.

I seriously need help!!!

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Strength

Someone once asked me: "Do you think you are strong?"

 I looked her in the eyes and answered, "I am vulnerable."

(After talking for very very very long... and she asked me whether she could give me a hug.)  "You have a very strong personality." she said.

That was a year ago. I was crying my heart out when I was talking to her. She looked at me and said, "Why do I see a bubbly girl crying?"



(Sideline a little, I was in full makeup when I met her. Eyeliner and mascara. And I cried for almost an hour. Maybe less. The huge bin was probably half filled with tissue papers. And with all that crying and an oily eye lid, my makeup was only slightly smudged. And I still went for family dinner after that. Darn power the makeup!!! Bimbotic me. It's really good for wedding, graduation and perhaps swimming.)

Maybelline

VOLUM' EXPRESS THE FALSIES MASCARA
EYESTUDIO HYPERSHARP LINER





She thought that I felt very 委屈 in life and in my previous job. Actually, nope. It was more like I am a highly sensitive and emotional person, that I kept MANY MANY MANY MANY things to myself and I do not know how to let go. Life is full of ups and downs. And my life is just so down and so hard. Self-pity and acting victim? I am afraid of change, afraid of failure, afraid of all the uncertainties or simply just timid. Moving out of my comfort zone is an extremely hard thing to do.

I should just sing "Let it go, let it go
I am one with the wind and sky
Let it go, let it go
You'll never see me cry!

Here I stand

And here I'll stay
Let the storm rage on!"

I need to let go of all things in the past. Put it down and let it go. All these baggage is too much for me to handle. I cannot keep holding on to my past, to my fears, to my unhappiness. I have to make room for a new life, new experience and happiness in my life.




Back to reality... The real truth is that I looked at myself now, extremely scared and extremely fearful. How to keep striving and keep moving on? Where is the strength within myself? Where? Where? Where?


Even I have my weakest moments in life. I feel paralysed. Fear consumed me. All the negative vibes and an extremely depressed me. How do I get past my own fears, face my own demons, get out of all the overwhelming situations and be on a quest to playing a bigger game in my life? HOW? How do I keep striving on, never give up and just keep pushing forward?


I have lost myself. I have felt exhausted. I have given up on myself at that very moment. I have felt like a complete failure. I actually did nothing, cos I was so depressed, low and out. But I did not feel good at all. Tears and all thing negative. At the lowest point in my life. At the crossroads. Where to go?


Where is the strength within myself? Where is the fighter in me? Where is the never-say-die me? Where is the resilient me? WHERE?





Being extremely low, I actually did the next best thing. A very bimbotic thing. I really do not feel like doing anything at all. Nothing at all. Then I slowly tried to get some grooming done to myself. Dress up nicely... (Luckily, I was still vain.) Pretty clothes become my fight gear. Then I started painting ICI dulux paint on my face... All the lovely skincare and cosmetics. Actually, I was feeling lousy inside. But I really have to thank my kindest friends or even the kindest strangers for complimenting me. Looks aren't everything. I know that I appear superficial, not intellectual, quiet, dull and uninteresting. However, I will definitely aim to be more well read, more well traveled and hopefully become an interesting conversationalist. Right now, I knew that I needed to get back to doing things that I used to enjoy. Finding back myself. And... Faking (confidence) it till I get it. How to believe in myself that I can actually make it? HOW? All my insecurities and shortcomings.




“Life is difficult. This is the great truth, one of the greatest truths … because once we see this truth, we transcend it.” – M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled



Nobody knows what you are going through or what you have been through. Struggles in life...

有些心事只能自言自语,有些秘密只能讲给朋友。有些痛苦只能默默承受,自己还是要靠自己拯救。------ 真正的痛苦,没有人能与你分担,你只能把它从一个肩头,换到你的另一个肩头。

感谢伤害你的人,因为他磨炼了你的心志!感谢绊倒你的人,因为他强化了你的双腿!感谢欺骗你的人,因为他增进了你的智慧!感谢藐视你的人,因为他觉醒了你的自尊!感谢遗弃你的人,因为他教会了你该独立!



How about strength defined by a Tarot card?


Strength's Meaning

                                  Energy · Facing problems · Strengh · Vitality · Willpower

Strength is the rawest form of power, and you possess it in some form. It is a very happy card if you are fighting illness or recovering from injury. As might be suspected, its influence over you, and the use you put it to, can trend towards light or dark. You likely trend towards facing your problems courageously, head-on, and conquering them through perseverance and will. With this ability to overcome life's obstacles, though, comes the responsibility to control yourself, and it this card may be a warning to take command of your own actions or emotions before they damage you or the people you care about.

Or how about this explanation?

The Maiden represents higher feelings and that we can experience if we bring our wild passions to heel. And so we willingly do so.

This card, however, isn't just about the Maiden's power. Like its ruling sign Leo, this card is also about the hot, roaring energy and enthusiasm of the Lion including passions like "lust" (which is the name it was given by Crowley in his Thoth deck). The lion's power may be frightening, but it is also desirable. Much can be achieved if such power is put to use. Some decks, in fact, label this card as "Power."

That energies can be brought under control and used is very close to the message of the Chariot, which might be why, in some decks, it is Justice that is card #8 instead of Strength. There is a difference, however, between Strength and the Chariot. The Chariot is a card about using your impulses to achieve a victory.

Strength is about combining two strengths to overcome weakness. The Maiden is weak of form, but her mastery of herself is powerful. The Lion is strong of form, but weak when it comes to mastering himself. The Maiden's commands overcome the Lion's weakness, and his form overcomes the Maiden's weakness. This is why the Maiden doesn't try to harness the lion to a chariot, nor does she run from it or try to kill it. She meets its eyes, touches it, embraces it. This is a card about understanding our wild natures, accepting them, yet also gentling those passions so that they work for us rather than against us. Putting these two strengths together creates perseverance, personal honor, and courage.

The card can also stand for a steadfast friend.

Having a Low Point Is Actually a Good Thing

We all have low and high points in our life. These lower moments often define what’s possible depending on your willingness and courage to turn them into a positive or let them simmer as a negative. As we continually work through these temporary dips, we build confidence and pave the road for moments of enjoyment and meaningful accomplishments.
Low points are defined as that moment when the wind is entirely knocked out of you, where, for a brief second, you feel like there is no hope, you are tempted to give up, call it quits, and you are even close to using the word “failure.” The low points can be disheartening, upsetting, painful, embarrassing, frustrating, and entirely deflating. You need a moment to catch your breath. You wonder is this really happening or is it just a dream? Everyone has low points. You are not alone.
Low points could include:
Getting fired
Losing a major client
Losing a loved one
Getting injured or having a health issue
Teaching your first class as a certified yoga teacher and having a student leave early
Reaching your highest or lowest weight ever
Writing a book or movie and receiving bad reviews
Working on a new product for several years only to learn it’s already out
Starting a business and not making a profit
Ending a relationship
Feeling unfulfilled when you accomplish a major goal
Playing in a major athletic competition and having your poorest performance
Going through a divorce
Being overwhelmed by your debt…
These challenges, obstacles, and setbacks vary for each person, and what some may consider to be a “low point,” such as being fired (yes, I’ve survived this one too) or ending a relationship, may not be for someone else. We all deal with adversity differently. There’s no judgment. The real key is how you choose to respond to these potential setbacks and move forward.

The question to consider is what actions will you take to move past your “low point” and get back in the game? How long will you allow yourself to be sidelined?

The one thing that is similar for all low points is they place you at a crossroads in your life. Will you feel sorrow for yourself and decide that you can’t do something or will you rise up and develop Plan B? In this moment of uncertainty and frustration, you have a choice. It takes strength and faith to face these challenges and believe that you can move forward.
Resilient people use a low point to turn things around and make a change. So while one person gets fired from a sales job and decides he or she is not cut out for sales, another person finds a new sales role and this time buys several books and audio training tools to become a more effective salesperson.
Low points can happen in any area of your life. I recently experienced one of these moments in my tennis game. I was playing in the finals of the Doubles Championships at my club in Los Angeles in front of fifty people and serving at 4-3 in the third set. I proceeded to serve the worst game of my tennis career (and I’m not exaggerating), and we went on to lose the match. I was frustrated, deflated, and fed up. Two weeks later, I took action and started working with a tennis coach again, changed my serve technique, and practiced hitting buckets of serves (the serve can represent anything in your life that needs an attitude adjustment to get to your next level). After ten months of doing the work, I experienced a “high point.” While in Turkey this past March representing the USA at the World Championships, I was serving down 4-5 in the third set of the deciding doubles match against Spain, and we held my serve to win the match 7-6!

As you survive and even thrive after a low point that momentarily throws your life upside down, you start to believe in yourself and see new possibilities. Welcome your low points because they can lead to something wonderful in every area of your life.

For every low point, there is a potential breakthrough waiting for you!
I’d love to hear about a recent moment that you turned into a “high point!”

Alissa Finerman is a Professional Business/Life Coach, motivational speaker, and author of Living in Your Top 1% . She works with individuals and organizations to help them think bigger, redefine what’s possible, and get results. Alissa has an MBA from the Wharton School and a BA from the University of California, Berkeley. She has appeared on national radio stations such as CBS and Clear Channel Radio and has worked with the Milken Institute, LA Business Journal, Prostate Cancer Foundation, and NBC Universal. To learn more about coaching with Alissa, please visit her website  and follow her on Facebook  and Twitter .

Failure

I am a failure of the Singapore education system. I do not know where my life will lead me. Many times, I feel like a failure. Because I have failed so many times? Maybe everything happened for a reason. I felt that I have wasted so much time achieving nothing.




Actually when I looked through my old blog, then did I realise that I wanted a job in the fragrance industry. And I had gotten it back then, but not exactly the kind of position that I could advance. Then I wanted to try a finance/accounts job, I did get a contract job in accounts receivable and I was hoping that it was near my house. I did get it and it was very near my house. Everybody was kind to me although I was not exactly giving my all in that job. It was not what I was looking for ultimately. I was so bored.

I must admit it. I am scared. I am afraid. I really do not know where to go now. Where should I go? What should I do? And I have my own shortcomings and my time management sucks big time. 




One of the best advice from her is "Every time you fall down, you have to get up on your feet as fast as you can. You have to climb up on your own. And you are going to fall down many many many times." Another (surprisingly... from a nice perfumer on my last day) is "Talk to people. Listen. You can learn a lot from them."




She did suggest me to try sales. Maybe I really talked too much... too much... too much with her. Actually, I am not that kind of person who is good at talking, convincing or selling. Not good with words and not really vocal at all. I am introverted, shy and reserved. Sometimes aloof. Of course, I am not a natural salesperson but I have to start somewhere? I am extremely not comfortable when facing people. Oh goshhhy... Well... Not really a sales job but a sales & marketing job. 




But I know that I am never going to be happy being just an ordinary person. I am meant for greater things and bigger things in life.




失败并不意味着你浪费了时间和生命,而是表明你有理由重新开始。所以,不要畏惧失败。




Please let me find back my courage from within and give me the strength to carry on!!!


"You are not useless. You are not hopeless. And no matter how scared you are, you will never be alone. And deep down, somewhere, in the part of you that decided the good days and your happiness and your health were all worth fighting for, you know that, too. Hold onto that knowledge. It will see you through the worst."

Ella Ceron

Link:
http://www.duanwenxue.com/article/7877.html

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Packing for 2 weeks in US (15deg to 25deg)

Recently, I just helped my cousin to pack for her 2 weeks in US exchange trip. What a hassle packing! Cos packing is ALWAYS stressful. And it's my cousin first trip away from home without her parents or family.




I really feel that I did a great job. Darn thick-skinned me!!! hehehehehehe~ LOOK at that luggage. That black with green ribbon luggage that my cousin's friend was dragging. It's so soooooooooooo TINY!!! Probably cabin size or the small check-in luggage size. The luggage is so so sooooooooooooo tiny and shallow! Never mind... Still got space - additional duffel bag and foldable bag for shopping loots.

My cousin's luggage is the smallest and probably also the lightest amongst her schoolmates. Although I seldom travel, I am really not too bad at rolling and packing. However, mine will be extremely heavy, simply cos I tend to overpack (or overkill) with many clothes, many pairs of shoes and lastly toiletries/skincare/cosmetics. You know... That kind every day can mask. Darn vainpot me!!!

I am a very messy person and I am a super hoarder. Still... Darn pleased with my packing skills!!!